Overcoming Fear
Fear
How many of you have something in your life right now that you're afraid of? A decision that you're afraid to make? A dream that you want to chase but maybe you're scared of what will happen when you take that first step? We come up with reasons...make excuses about why or why not. But really it boils down to one thing – fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of succeeding (yes, that's a real thing), fear of failing (big one for me!), I could go on for days. Nelson Mandela said this about fear, “I learned that courage was not the absence, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not the one who doesn't feel afraid, but who conquers that fear.”
Let me talk to you about my recent head-to-head with fear and what I've found. Fear is wrapped in excuses and “what-if” scenarios and was about to prevent me from experiencing something pretty incredible. I'm not an expert or some professional on overcoming fear. In fact, as I write this you guys, I'm preaching to the “Lauren choir” because it has literally taken me over two weeks to get this message out there to you. I want you to read this and walk away feeling like, “If she can do something brave, so can I”. My hope is that you take a step, even if it's a small one, towards conquering something that's holding you back in fear. One of the top leaders in my company, and Amazon best- selling author, Romi Neustadt, reminded me on the flight to Colorado, as I was re-reading her book, Get Over Your Damn Self,“...here's the great news about fear: It's not our job to argue with it, or fix it, or escape it. It's our job to act in spite of it.”
Act In Spite of Fear
The group of leaders and wonderful women I call friends! I had the pleasure of spending a weekend with them in this beautiful setting just outside of Breckenridge, CO.
At the beginning of June, I had the pleasure of being poured into during a battery-recharging, leadership retreat weekend just outside of Breckenridge. During the planning of the weekend, I had to opt-in to the activities that I wanted to participate, one of which was white water rafting. Initially, it was a hard “no” for me. As in, never in a million years will you get me on a rafting trip of that kind. Immediately I told them, “I don't want to die on the river, thanks, but no.”
Then, I noticed that the majority of my group of 13 women were opting in. And they were trying to convince me to join them, assuring me how safe it would be. I was coming up with all the excuses in my head, in addition to certain death, of why it was a bad idea:
What if my stomach is upset and I need to go to the bathroom? (Yes, I have GI issues so I legitimately stewed over this!)
I'm not yet where I want to be business-wise, so I should stay back and use that time to work.
I'm not going to have any fun, do I really want to spend the money?
What if I really fall out of the boat and get trapped under a tree and die?
More and more of my group signed up and it was down to the wire. I had to make the choice of whether or not to go. Guess what kicked in? The fear of missing out! Here's what that looked like:
If I don't go, I'm going to miss out on team bonding and I really want the community.
What if they have a really great time and I'm not a part of it? I will regret not going.
They're going to be gone for like 3 hours, what if I'm the only one who doesn't go and I'm stuck at the lodge by myself the entire time? I might be pretty bored.
It seems pretty stupid to let a fear of something I've never done before stop me from trying something new.
I really don't want to feel like I missed out on something great. This could be fun.
So I opted in to white water rafting! I made the decision and admittedly, was really nervous about it. Then, the day came to head to Colorado for our retreat and wouldn't you know, flight delay after flight delay. Myself and another friend were delayed to the point that we missed our group and rental car rides from the Denver airport on Thursday evening. We got in so late that we had to spend the night Thursday in a Denver hotel instead of making it to Breckenridge as planned. Our group was set to depart for rafting at 11 am the next morning and we were 2 hours away and would have to fight rush hour traffic on a Friday morning to get there in time. Getting a rental car would delay us, mountain shuttles didn't run early enough so we crossed our fingers and banked on Uber. Again, the the excuses to not raft began to pour in:
Maybe the delays meant the rafting trip was not meant to be.
We would have to leave Denver by 7:30 am to allow time for traffic. Can we do it when are running on almost no sleep?
How bad will traffic be? Is it worth it to push to get there if we might not make it anyway?
Will an Uber even be available to drive us 2 hours? And will they be available that early?
If we opted out of rafting, we would have a free ride at 9:30 am and could just relax and sleep in.
Natanya and I, getting fueled up with our 3rd cup of coffee at a Starbucks about half way to Breckenridge. We were so tired.
All of those excuses were shrouded by lack of commitment rooted in fear. Even though I had paid the money to go, I was still holding back. Thanks to Natanya, my business partner and traveling companion, and her strong commitment to rafting, we were up, out the door and in an Uber by 8 am (I admire her drive!). It was a little later than we had expected but the commute time looked promising and our amazing driver was determined to help us make our trip! We arrived at our lodge with time to spare. Had I let those excuses that morning get in the way, I would have given up on even trying to make the rafting trip happen. Fear comes with excuses and lack of commitment so it's going to mean overcoming obstacles placed in your path. Sometimes you need a friend to help you stay committed and accountable.
Pictured here, I'm in the back left of the boat in the yellow helmet. Photo credit: AVA Upper Colorado
If I had let fear stop me from going white water rafting, I would have missed out on an invigorating, exhilarating, girl-bonding, team-building experience like no other. I got off that raft feeling empowered to do anything in life, like I had conquered something huge! When you're in the moment of accomplishing a great achievement...climbing that mountain, reaching the top of the stair case...it feels incredible when you're crossing the finish line. I am not a runner, but I imagine this must be something similar to what marathoners feel like when they complete that big race. It truly is a remarkable feeling.
Pivot
Instead of living in a place where you're afraid to try...I'm going to ask you to pivot. Change your your mindset and think about what you'll miss out on if you don't go for it. You've heard of FOMO, right? Fear of missing out. What will happen if you let fear stop you from trying? What will you miss out on?
In life, in business, I encourage you to start breaking down the walls of fear. Start tackling the things you're afraid of because once you get over one hurdle, the next feels so much smaller. Until fear itself, is no longer an issue. Instead, you're fueled by what you'll miss out on if you DON'T reach your goal, whatever it may be. In fact, if you look at your past, you have probably already overcome some pretty amazing things. Things that you were once afraid to do. You see, you have been overcoming things your whole life and you may not have even realized it! Muscle memory is a real thing. Your body and brain know how to move forward, even when you're afraid. But you have to make the decision to try!
Such a fun group of women. Eight of us ended up going. And if you look closely, we wore bright pink lipstick for the ride!
Why was white water rafting such a big deal? I have no idea! I mean, I have overcome infertility. I'm a rape survivor. I look back at my life and have done so many things and walked through some pretty dark places. But, white water rafting terrified me. When I found out that this group of women, my peers, fellow business owners, mentors, people I look up to...they were going and I might miss out...I decided I needed to be a part of that. They assured me I would be safe, the company we rafted with was highly regarded and prepared us well ahead of time. I went into the trip somewhat nervous but not as scared as I expected. For safety reasons, it was important for me to be mentally ready and able to really participate. I needed to be fully present and wanted to not only conquer this “mountain” but also soak it all in. Not only did I conquer my fear, I enjoyed the ride.
